7 Dear John and Edward- a Fan Letter.

Occasionally we have to do assignments with a brief, an outline of rules in which we have to make a work of art by. For this particular work we had to make a site specific sculpture for inside an Australia Post  Bx1 box and then mail it to someone in the class. First thing that comes to mind- Fan Letter.

So how I was going to make a sculptural fan letter and mail it off? I thought of all sorts of ideas, a slide projector with pictures and text, a scale model of the alley way opposite the Olympia stage door that I spent about 3 weeks in with fellow fans, some sort of recording device that speaks and tells stories about fan experiences with Jedward, etc etc, but I only had less than a week to complete it so it needed to be far more technically simple.  

But what is a fan letter exactly? It’s a letter written by a fan to an idol. Duh. But what’s its significance, what does it characterize, what’s its objective and purpose? 

I’ve never written a fan letter. I’ve written messages inside jackets I given to Jedward. They weren’t particularly long or insightful but they were heartfelt. ‘John and Edward, Thank you for everything, (heart) Dominique, Australian Girl.’ Was one ‘John and Edward,  Thank you so much for all the awesome memories of 2012, Happy New Year from Dominique and all the Lane Way fans!’ and I got every fan waiting outside the stage door in the lane way to sign around it was another. 

I guess a fan writes a fan letter to express devotion, appreciation and to distinguish themselves as an individual and as a fan to the idol. I signed ‘Australian Girl’ because that’s what they used to call me, it was my nick name, I suppose because they didn’t remember my real name, but it distinguished me as an individual.  

And I talked to a few fans that had written fan letters and we discussed what it was exactly that a fan letter is. A useful insight was something like ‘a fan letter gives you the one on one time with them that you wouldn’t necessarily have with them physically and says things you wouldn’t necessarily say to them face to face.’ And ‘you can take them to somewhere as personal as you’re willing to go’

I think of the internet like a ocean, but a more mythological fantasy ocean like ancient maps with sea dragons and mermaids and stuff. And I like to think of myself as a pirate, not because I illegally download music and movies, but because searching the internet is like going on a sort of swash-buckling adventure for hidden treasure, I never get off the internet without finding some gem of inspiration or doubloon of new knowledge or a battle scar of seeing something I really rather wish I hadn’t.

Anyway, there’s a bit of romantic whimsy for ya.  The point is, on one of my nightly quests I found the incredible work of Lori Nix and had my mind blown clean away. Her photographs of miniatures provoke that dream nostalgia that I so love as well as my obsession with doll houses and stop motion animation.

So I decided to make a miniature scene inside the box that has to be viewed through a porthole so it really is a one on one, private, personal experience. And then a scene that shows a fan’s personal, private devotion would be how they decorate their bedroom.  I collected images of Jedward, posters and photos of real fan’s bedrooms and my own bedroom, shrunk them down, cut them out and arranged them in a way I would arrange and decorate if this was a real bedroom. I made the bed messy, scattered clothes on the floor and used an old wash cloth as a carpet. The room is untidy, scattered, cramped and unglamorous. But its devotion shown in an honest, heartfelt and personal  as someone would be willing to go in a fan letter.  I’m not sending this to Jedward though because on top of all of that, I also find it a bit creepy, has anyone seen that episode of CSI?..

6 Blink

And so I finally came to my senses and decided to focus my practice on being a fan of Jedward and the Jedward fandom. It was way too hard to focus on just being a fan of things in general, it was so broad and overwhelming especially because I find it so hard to explain in the first place why exactly I’m a fan of something and how it makes me feel. Ain’t gonna lie, I was going a bit insane. So why not just focus on just one fan relationship? And the biggest fan relationship I have at the moment is being a fan of Jedward, a Jedhead if you will. It would be foolish of me not to, I have a vast network of comrade fans, I already have a rich wealth of knowledge about Jedward and being a Jedward fan and perhaps most useful of all, I have an actual connection with Jedward themselves. It suddenly seemed so obvious that I should be making Jedward fan work.  But again the question of how I can make art about something I’m a fan of without making fan-art or art that’s about Jedward? So I wanted to make a work that’s about obsession and fixation and the pleasure of looking and admiring. 

Tumblr is like the internet’s Christmas present to me. I don’t run a Tumblr myself, I fear that if I go down that rabbit hole I’ll never emerge again but the hours I’ve spent  looking through hundreds of Tumblrs.. something catches my eye on Google Images, I click, I end up on a Tumblr page, next page, next page and then suddenly it’s 4am and I’ve not done a single thing with my whole day. Digesting image after image in seconds, drinking them in with a thirst that can’t be quenched. I think I see more images in a night than most people did in a lifetime 100 years ago. 

I love Tumblrs about travel and art and couture and random inspiration Tumblrs and gothic morbid Tumblrs and bohemian living and dream houses and, obviously yes, I love fan Tumblrs about Jedward because, and this is utterly vital, I love looking at them.  And this is essential in a fan/idol relationship. Collecting images, having images, looking at images, creating images, manipulating images and sharing images. And I don’t think you need necessarily to be attracted to the idol to have take pleasure in having and seeing pictures of them or to think they’re physically beautiful. Not at all. When I was 14 Billy Boyd, who played Pippin in LOTR, was my idol. I knew he was old enough to be my dad and I wasn’t attracted to him, I just thought he was really really cool. I had pictures of him everywhere- On my computer, on my school books and on my walls. 

And I have pictures of Oscar Wilde anywhere I can fit them in my room and in my studio not because he’s physically beautiful to look at but because I think seeing an image of someone says so much about that person you admire and brings up all the feeling you have about them and why you admire them.  Joseph Merrick is one of my heroes too. He was also known as the Elephant Man. I have a few images of him around my studio; he’s properly the best example I can possibly think of ‘not necessarily physically beautiful’. But his image not only awakens thoughts about his life and his character and what inspires me about him but it reminds me that although I talk, write and make art about beauty, beauty isn’t a physical trait. Beauty is in your actions, your thoughts, your life, your soul.

Sorry, beauty is one of my favorite things in the world to talk about. I’ll get a move on or this entry will become way too lengthy. So yes, I love to look at images of John and Edward Grimes. Hell, I’m looking at one right now, they’re on my mug! And I love GIFs and GIFs of Jedward because in less than a second of moving image, you can get volumes of glorious information. And it takes less than a second to capture these tiny precious things that fans enjoy looking at, their gestures, mannerisms, a look, a dance move, a laugh, a smile, an action that has such little consequence but so much significance to a fan.  I thought what better way to make a work about obsession and looking than to take a GIF of the most mundane action, blinking, and recreating it by hand frame by frame and joyously celebrating every tiny little beautiful moment. It’s 7 frames long and took me a hell of a long time, it’s not perfect but I like the scratchy, jerky imperfect awkwardness of it.      

5 Connections

So I made some simpler connections to things I’m a fan of based on my personal aesthetic and emotional responses. I brought in some paintings I’d done in the past of Jedward, pantings I’d done for no real purpose other than because I thought the subject was beautiful and for practice. Very much pure fan-art. 

I tried to link them together with other paintings I’ve done, song lyrics, objects, photos, whatever I felt like had the right connection. Edward sleeping, cloudy sky, an antique bottle. Leslie Kee Jedward, ballet legs, mother of pearl shell. A random jar I fell in love with, Whistler's Crepuscule in Opal. But these connections are perhaps only obvious and meaningful to me, the audience may understand the aesthetic connection and apreciate my skill as a painter but I think the fan connection idea and fan culture is lost.

Another one bites the dust. But oh well! Keep in mind that these are all just propositional works, doodles, sketches and experiments. 

4 Untitled Arrangement

I found myself making a lot of work about being a fan of people I’m not a fan of. I started to reflect more broadly about what I love, and what I’m personally a fan of.  Oscar Wilde. Oscar Wilde is my hands down Hero.  I don’t even want to say I’m a fan of Oscar Wilde, it sounds too superficial, I’d rather say I’m an acolyte, a follower or a disciple. My love for Oscar Wilde’s life and works is something really dear to me, deep and personal. Something about the way he writes awakened everything in me and I never truly understood beauty, love or the importance of youth before he explained it to me. When someone insults Oscar Wilde it’s not only like they are insulting me but everything about me and everything I believe in. I once got into a fight with an 80 year old preacher because he made a homophobic slur against Wilde. I’m not proud of it but.. yes I am. 

So yes, Oscar Wilde is my supreme. I love Philosophy, Greek mythology and the Female Gaze feminist theory. I love the music of Patrick Wolf, Joanna Newsom, The Cranberries,  The Cure, The Sex Pistols and Alexisonfire. I love Sherlock Holmes, gothic horror, Alice’s Adventures and Wonderland, Lolita, Brideshead Revisited, P.G. Wodehouse and Lord of the Rings. I love movies by Wes Anderson, Baz Luhrmann and Tim Burton, I love camp 50s musicals, Eurovision and Marilyn Monroe. I find Club Kids, street fashion and sub cultures fascinating and I collect Victorian photographs, antique bottles and anything to do with the Occult. I love the illustrations of Edward Gorey and my favorite artists are Klimt, Schiele, Michael Borremans and Elizabeth Peyton.

All of these things seem to have very little connection besides how I feel about them when I experience them.  And I guess it’s a sort of odd romantic nostalgia. A longing or a homesickness for a time or place I’ve never been to, familiar but distant, like remembering a dream.  There are certain colours, forms, textures and motifs I connect with these feelings but it’s very hard to describe what they are exactly. 

So I had a look around my studio at the all the stuff I collect and put together an arrangement based on aesthetic connections but mainly emotional connections, how the objects made me feel- that weird, misty dream like nostalgia.
 

I searched for tastes and smells that had this connection. I didn’t find a perfect taste but the smell was in a bees wax candle, a very muted subtle smell of honey. The actual smell of honey was too sharp, too strong. And I searched my music for the song that had this connection and I found it was more Joanna Newsom’s music in general it reminded me of than one song in particular.  So I presented this work and with somewhat confusion. I couldn’t quite explain how this was fan culture anymore.. It was just a small collection of things, things I’m not a fan of, but things that give me the feeling of being a fan.. and I had no idea where to go from here.