1 Cuts for Bieber

I started off the term with a bang. A very dark and very terrifying bang.  The relationship between idol and fan is a difficult one. It’s codependent- the fan needs an idol to exist as a fan and an idol can’t be an idol without fans to support them.  The idol craves the attention of fans as much as the fan craves the attention of the idol, it’s codependent but not cooperative and in no way equal. Which is where it can get tricky. 

It’s a heart breaking thing that every fan has to face: your idol is never going to feel the same way about you as you do about them. 

They’ll never see you in that same golden light, they’ll never write to you adoring letters about your talent, your kind heart, your good looks and charm, they’ll never travel hours out of their way just to meet with you and they’ll never have your picture on their wall or your photo as the background on their phone.  But this isn’t a fact, it’s not set in stone, it’s not completely and utterly beyond all realms of possibility.. it’s just highly improbable.  Improbable, certainly, but impossible? no.

And I may be wrong, but I think that this, this belief that  if you only had the time with them, if you only had the right opportunities, if you only the chance to really show them your full potential and everything you have to offer the they would look at you with the same admiration. Whether that be falling in love with you, becoming your BFF or admiring you as an intellectual/artistic equal.  This belief can be an extremely positive driving force for many ambitious people; the want to live up to your idol is no doubt the reason behind many great successes throughout history.

I’ve been more than extremely fortunate with my fan relationship with Jedward. I’ve met them many times, they remember my name, they talk to me and show me friendly affection, they take photos with me, wear the clothes I make them and have occasionally mentioned my name in interviews. They’ve far surpassed every desire I had as a fan. But fandom is an addiction. A beautiful addiction that always leaves you unsatisfied and no matter how much your idol gives you you’re going to want more. For me I’ve found this a strong inspiration and motivation to strive and succeed, to be the best I can be, to be kind, positive and strong and creative. To achieve my goals and dreams as an artist and a person, to keep alive that fan belief that if they were to see me at my best, my fullest potential that then they would maybe see me in that same transcendent light as I see them.  Hey, maybe.  It’s not impossible.

But this addiction and need and desire can take very dark forms indeed. Most fans don’t get to meet their idol. Most idols will never be aware of each fans individual existence. They’ll be aware of their fans of course but it’s unlikely they’ll know each ones name, their face, their hobbies, their thoughts their feelings and what it is about them that makes them an individual and a fellow human being. To be seen as a person and not just a fan, not just another face in the crowd, not a number on their twitter following or a dim voice in the overwhelming roar of an audience is important to most fans. To stand out one has to be noticed, to get their idols attention often by any means necessary. This is where darkness and sickness can really show its ugly self.  

It’s sort of a sad that nearly everyone I talk to about fan culture that first thing that comes to their mind is stalkers, screaming hysterical masses and infamous cases of fans going off the rails completely –the John Lennon shooting, Rebecca Schaeffer who was murdered by an obsessed stalker at her own home or John Hinkley's assassination attempt of Ronald Ragan to win the attention of Jodie Foster. It’s sad, but unavoidable.  No matter what good comes from being a fan, it’s the sensational and grotesque that will always capture headlines and imaginations. Although cases of stalking and murder are very rare, lesser cases of extreme desperation, bullying and emotional black mail is unfortunately rife in and out of the headlines. 

One in particular caught my attention, the #cutforbieber Twitter trend after Bieber was allegedly caught smoking pot. I took one tweet with a picture that I found the most potent and transcribed it into paint on a delicate little piece of wood. “We hurt alongside you Justin” paired with the image of self harm broke my heart and upset me on a level that I find hard to describe. I know that a lot of the tweets were fake and trolls but I interpreted the subject as if it was genuine. The desperation, the unhappiness and tragically misjudged way of showing devotion and support, putting all this up into the public arena to catch the attention of fans and the idol themselves. The 59 retweets and 4 favorites, it’s just numbers but they represent the actions of 63 individuals, did they retweeted it and favorite it as a joke? Or are they agreeing with it? Either way, this tiny piece of information, a tweet, one of billions in cyberspace shows an immense dark side of the human psyche.  

But the problem with this work, no matter how I did it, was never going to be as powerful as the thing itself. Also, it upset me. I didn’t enjoy making it and I don’t enjoy looking at it. For me as an artist, especially a painter, these things are important to enjoy. I want to make work I want to make, that I enjoy making, that I cherish, that makes me excited and exhilarated and alive- like being a fan makes me feel.